Looks like I picked the wrong week to find out I had low blood sugar. . .

Oh boy. I haven't written anything in a very long while, but here goes:

Yesterday I had to pick my friends Erin and Kenny up from the Philadelphia International Airport when I had, not one, but two epiphanies.

The first one was that I really, really need GPS. Mapquest and Google Map just don't cut it for me with their sneaky "slight left" directions that I always, without fail, seem to miss. More accurate directions would include phrases such as "turn RIGHT at nearest u-turn . . .0.2 miles," "see sign for destination over LEFT shoulder as you passed it . . . <0.1 miles," and "are you trying to get lost. . .seriously?"

I still remember getting lost to visit my friend Sarah thanks to a missed "slight left." I called her to say nothing seemed at all familiar from the map or from my stored memory/ experiences and she told me that was because where I was was actually considered North Philadelphia whereas she lived in South. I don't like getting lost as it makes me feel like an autistic who shouldn't be driving himself anywhere let alone responsible for picking others up. A few years back, I got so lost going to someone's wedding that I totally missed it and got there in time for food (well, leftovers at that point).

I was told time and time again that the airport was easy to get to because there were millions of signs pointing me to it all with handy little drawings of white airplanes on green backgrounds just in case I was illiterate (aside: if people can't read, should they be driving in the first place (second aside: I recognize that it's for people who don't really read English and the odd unattended toddler or two that somehow manage to get keys to daddy's big gas guzzler and make it work by saying "Vroom, vroom" . . . there's always one or two stories like that in the news every year. File it under "Aww, Precious . . .Aww, Poor parenting))).

What's interesting to me is as I get lost, it always seems to be dark (so those millions of signs are easier to miss) and it usually starts to rain (reducing visibility of said signs and making them a lot easier to miss). And when it starts to rain during those exact conditions, it's usually the type of rain that is best reserved for the adjective "torrential" (see previous parentheses and add or substitute the word "even more" where appropriate). I go somewhere I don't know, and suddenly I'm driving into the most clichéd opening for a story ever.

Luckily, as I found myself in Media and then in Plymouth and then in Springfield, I found a Pizza Hut and asked a guy who was picking up some pizzas where he was going.

On second thought, it really does sound like I was propositioning him, but I told him I was lost and offered him 20 bucks to drive me to the airport (with me following, not in his front passenger seat keeping the pizzas piping hot as best I could). Luckily, he said he lived near the airport anyway and that it would be no problem.

That's why I need GPS. To stop embarrassing myself to everyone involved. But what's the other epiphany? My blood sugar gets low when I get really nervous although I suspect that had more to do with not eating anything hearty before taking the trip to PIA. Who knew 2 meatballs and a bowl of soup wouldn't suffice. I felt very much like Llyod Bridges in "Airplane."